I really don't think anything more needs to be said. Someone get that hound a contract! Muah!

April 8, 2007

Easter! A time of celebration. A time of Peeps. And I don't mean my homies, of which I have many. No no, I mean the squishy marshmallow sugar-covered goodness.
This morning I successfully scared off the Easter bunny. Mom abandoned me to be at church and with that HORSE again all day today. Happy Easter everyone!

It amazes me that some still believe humans to be more intelligent than dogs. I mean, honestly - anyone who thinks a quick stroll around the block and a half-hearted toss of a tennis ball is nearly enough to satisfy and mentally stimulate an intelligent canine such as myself, well...do I really need to say any more?

And so my adventure began. It's funny, I've heard mom warn everyone many times over that I'm notorious for my counter-surfing (who ME??) and to not leave things out within my grasp or they will surely be devoured...but apparently they don't listen. And I am SO glad for that.

Yum! Dad's having frozen pizza for dinner. Oh and what's that he's pulling out of the crisper in the fridge? Smells meaty....and delicious. Oh, he's garnishing that frozen cardboard! Even better! Gosh, I didn't know he'd be so thoughtful. At this point, God was listening to my coonie pleas because the phone rang. A perfect opportunity. He bumbled down the stairs (sucker) and I went in for the kill. No one was there to witness this "alleged" discretion however, so I like to blame the human's failing memory. When he returned to place the pizza in the oven, I was delighted to watch him scratch his head and stare at it. I imagine he was thinking: "Didn't I put five pieces of salami on this cheese pizza?" (mmhmm) and "Well I thought I did, but Cilla is just looking at me and the pizza has not moved an inch off this counter..." (Oh I was very careful) "There are no telltale crumbs on the floor" he continues to muse. But then, oh then....he pulled the package of salami out of the fridge. And found 5 pieces missing from it.

I better get out of here.

6:35am - I heard that irritating beeping sound again, but it was quickly silenced by the human who continues to call herself my mom. More time to snooze...

6:42am - There it is again! Am I not sleeping here??

6:50am - Mom rolls out of bed, and much to her chagrin, I am immediately wide awake and ready to go! Food! BREAKFAST! But after I stretch once, twice, ok maybe three times. Yawn a couple of times too for good measure. That's better. Oh, and I also like to block the bedroom doorway as I give an extended stretch so that my mom stumbles into my rear end and nearly catapults herself over me. Heh, heh.

6:55am - Breakfast! Yum, my favorite! (as dog food goes anyway)

7:15am - Mom's out of the shower, so I immediately begin tapdancing outside her door until she opens it and peers out. "You want a bone?" she says in her most irritating baby talk. Why does she think I like that? I stand on my hind legs and nudge the tastiest bone on the bookshelf until she hands it to me. I promptly drop it, loudly, on the wooden floor and take delight in the pained expression on her face.

7:55am - fortunately, she's leaving for the day and I can have my eagerly awaited treat and go back to sleep. It's hard work performing for these humans!

8:00am - 1:30pm - Sleep. Lots of it. Probably snoring. On the bed.

2:00pm - that cursed man in the blue uniform and hat DARES to approach my porch again! I courageously frighten him off with my most intimidating and ferocious howling and baying. Sucker.

2:30pm - The other unwelcome vagrant in the big brown truck with the brown uniform ALSO challenges my authority! I frighten him off almost as quickly as the one before him. Thank goodness that's over. I can go back to sleep.

5:15pm - A special welcome home for mom today! Some careless fool left the garage door open (boy that makes my mom angry) and I was able to just walk out and greet her at her car! Wait. Why is she scowling and saying "sit!" Ok. I hit the deck. We coonhounds are very sensitive. She pulls me by the collar in and tells me "good girl." All I know is I got yet another treat and I didn't even do anything! Maybe I should greet her at her car more often...

5:30pm - A walk! Oh boy! Except she wouldn't let me do "#2" and yanked me out of a yard every time I found the perfect place to leave my gift. Great.

7:45pm - After getting a wee bit more beauty sleep, the humans returned. I smelled something delightful and new. What could it be? You know, I really didn't even care. It smelled of the bakery and I HAD TO HAVE IT. Surprisingly, mom indulged and let me snatch the last bite of this wonderful yummy goodness. She then dubbed me the "cannoli eatin' coonhound" for the rest of the evening. Whatever... as long as she keeps feeding me that.

9:00pm - I like to start my wind down time right about now. This day hasn't been so bad, but all that activity sure wipes me out. I imagine I'll have to work on the squishiness of the comforter for at least a good 15 minutes to get it right. Then maybe wrestle with mom when she comes to bed and inconsiderately pushes me over to the other side. Do I really ask for much?