I've been absent from the Land of Blog for a while now. A coonie's schedule keeps her constantly on the go. All of the sleeping, baying, and treat-begging I do is exhausting.

But the truth is, shortly after my last post, a new......creature.....came into my life. It's taken me this long to reconcile the change and be able to talk about it openly. After numerous therapy sessions and group meetings, I think I'm finally starting to adjust.

Mom brought it home one day in a fleece-wrapped bundle. I didn't give it so much a second glance until I heard a strange and faint sound. "Mew." Then a little bit louder: "MEW."



I pressed my nose furiously to the bundle and was greeted with a warning knee in the chest from Mom. "oh for joy, she brought me a real live play thing this time!" It looked like a miniature version of Bootsy, harmless and edible in one bite. Then I heard a familiar sound: "hisssss!" Little did this tiny black waif know, but this only served to antagonize me further.



At first, I couldn't believe my good fortune. I had always wanted one of these very things to play with, but Mom frequently cut those moments of play short. However, I quickly grew tired of this rambunctious rapscallion, for she was stronger and more resilient than I had originally estimated. During the next few months, a power struggle would ensue and I found myself on the verge of being usurped from my throne. I experienced an array of emotions and each time Mom chastised me for being "too rough" with the thing she lovingly referred to as "Sweet Potato" (for crying out loud, her name is Athena!), I questioned her loyalty to me. Had mine to her ever wavered? Does this look like a face that could betray her beloved owner?



I didn't think so. Ok, ok, so I've run away from home a few, dozen times. And yes, I do occasionally emit a low growl when she pushes me over out of her leg space on the bed. Beyond that, I have been nothing but 100% devoted. But some more time passed and some of my bitterness subsided as I realized this kitten could actually benefit me in some ways. For example, I have taught her to counter-surf. She's quite limber and can move out of the way faster when Mom comes barreling into the kitchen. One of our most successful endeavors was devouring her bag of cat food - Athena would knock it off the counter with her paw, and we'd both go to town. I've also learned that a great deal of her naughty antics deflects Mom's attention away from my own misbehavior. So it is with grudging reluctance that I admit....she's grown on me. Literally.



I haven't decided yet whether I'll keep her or not. The jury is still out on that one. In the interim, however, I intend to take full advantage of the entertainment. I'll keep you posted on the developments.

Move over Ol' Dan and Little Ann...

I knew the air carried with it a smell out of the ordinary, but I couldn't quite put my paw on what it was. Using my best investigative skills, I perused the backyard thoroughly, to no avail. But what's that? The smell is coming from...the tree...yes, that's it, that tree over there. I started baying cautiously, to warn any passersby, neighbors, or inhabitants of far-away lands that there was something suspicious around Maple Leaf this evening. Just as I was in the midst of a hot trail, Mom came out and interrupted.

"Cilla?" she inquired.
"look, look, up there, up there, I smell me somethin!" I shouted. But alas, she is MONO-lingual and didn't understand. Just as I was ready to turn in resigned frustration, I heard something....and I bolted. HOLY COW!! What was that?? Although Mom heard nor saw anything, that tiny sound was enough to send me running for cover.

She tricked me into coming inside with the subliminal promise of a treat, but she did not deliver. When I returned to my post over an hour later, the trail was still hot and I KNEW I was onto something. Bootsy? No, don't think so. Squirrel? Oooo, as enticing as that sounded, that wasn't it either. HUMAN THAT MIGHT STOP AND LOVE ME???? No, unfortunately not. Then the air delivered that distinct, engraved into the very core of my soul SMELL..............RACCOON. Oh Lord have mercy, it was, it was!! Several years of Mom promising this treasure, but nothing. I went nutso, bonkers, completely insane, trying to let everyone know what I found.

"ooooooweeee, I got it I got it I got it, there's a coon, yes there is, it's here, someone get me a ladder, please Lord, let it fall down to me, please please please please! MOOOOOOOOM!! RACCOOOOOOOOON!!"

Mom tottered down the stairs and I leapt onto the fence, threw my head back and let the old spirits of the first coonhounds to inhabit the earth erupt from my SOUL. "Baawoooooo!!" Mom ran to me and then...wait, what??? Let me go!! Let me go, oh Lord get her off me, please SET ME FREE!!! She maintained her grip, in spite of my greatest efforts to free myself from that horrid collar that enslaves me. I tried to tell her that this is me, this is in my blood, so I increased the volume and frequency of my baying. She then had the AUDACITY to clamp my mouth shut with her hand and whisper "shhhh, you're scaring the baby coon."

Um, DUHHHHH!! That's the point, isn't it? As she wrestled me in the house - and oh man, did I put up a fight - she was able - barely - to convince me to abandon my post and God-given duties as a coonhound for a tasty morsel of a treat. I know what you're thinking. I'm a sell-out, I'm not true to my roots. But if you know anything about coonhounds, you know we're a sucker for food. If I can get it down my throat, I'll eat it.

In the end, she did congratulate my efforts and petted my head, saying "Good girl, you hunted 'em up!!" Yeah, you know...I did. And that is worthy of at least 10 more treats. And maybe some chicken off the counter. Speaking of, I've got some trouble to get into.........

Birthday fun

It started as any other ordinary day - mom got up, jumped in the shower, and rushed off to church and to see that gargantuan horse again. Only slightly offended, I went on to more important tasks: sleeping, barking at passersby, and checking the garbage cans for scraps.

But then, oh then, Mom came home and - finally - remembered! Yes, it was my birthday. Well, not my real birthday, which I cannot divulge here, but the one the vet in Georgia "assigned" me when they found me wandering. (aside: wandering? Never! I had a very clear and deliberate path...wherever my nose took me) So May 6th it was. Now that her conscience had kicked in, she pretended to have remembered all along. "Oh my little birthday coonie!" She cooed as she squeezed my face and held it a little too close to her own. And she talks about my breath!
Then she whispered the magic words - "Do you want to go for a ride in the car to the PET STORE?"

DUH!!

And so we went - a boundless supply of treats, rawhides, pigs ears (mmm), squeaky toys, etc. But I admit, I was too busy sniffing where other dogs had been to notice much of those things. However, as we departed, I took note of their generosity in placing a BUFFET right by the check out! If I had known they had free samples up here, I wouldn't have wasted all that time in the back! Just as my tongue was within an inch of the motherload, my mom jerked my leash back and said "Leave it!" WHAT. All of these tasty morsels just waiting for me to gorge myself on and you expect me to leave it? I'm a coonhound, I don't understand the concept of stealing! And besides, if it's stealing, then why did they put this buffet right here within my counter-surfing reach?

All in all, it wasn't a bad day. I got a new squeaker, a pig's ear (yum), and some treats. Oh and Mom made cupcakes, but she forgot to put frosting on mine. It's ok though, I'll get them off the counter later.

I really don't think anything more needs to be said. Someone get that hound a contract! Muah!

April 8, 2007

Easter! A time of celebration. A time of Peeps. And I don't mean my homies, of which I have many. No no, I mean the squishy marshmallow sugar-covered goodness.
This morning I successfully scared off the Easter bunny. Mom abandoned me to be at church and with that HORSE again all day today. Happy Easter everyone!

It amazes me that some still believe humans to be more intelligent than dogs. I mean, honestly - anyone who thinks a quick stroll around the block and a half-hearted toss of a tennis ball is nearly enough to satisfy and mentally stimulate an intelligent canine such as myself, well...do I really need to say any more?

And so my adventure began. It's funny, I've heard mom warn everyone many times over that I'm notorious for my counter-surfing (who ME??) and to not leave things out within my grasp or they will surely be devoured...but apparently they don't listen. And I am SO glad for that.

Yum! Dad's having frozen pizza for dinner. Oh and what's that he's pulling out of the crisper in the fridge? Smells meaty....and delicious. Oh, he's garnishing that frozen cardboard! Even better! Gosh, I didn't know he'd be so thoughtful. At this point, God was listening to my coonie pleas because the phone rang. A perfect opportunity. He bumbled down the stairs (sucker) and I went in for the kill. No one was there to witness this "alleged" discretion however, so I like to blame the human's failing memory. When he returned to place the pizza in the oven, I was delighted to watch him scratch his head and stare at it. I imagine he was thinking: "Didn't I put five pieces of salami on this cheese pizza?" (mmhmm) and "Well I thought I did, but Cilla is just looking at me and the pizza has not moved an inch off this counter..." (Oh I was very careful) "There are no telltale crumbs on the floor" he continues to muse. But then, oh then....he pulled the package of salami out of the fridge. And found 5 pieces missing from it.

I better get out of here.

6:35am - I heard that irritating beeping sound again, but it was quickly silenced by the human who continues to call herself my mom. More time to snooze...

6:42am - There it is again! Am I not sleeping here??

6:50am - Mom rolls out of bed, and much to her chagrin, I am immediately wide awake and ready to go! Food! BREAKFAST! But after I stretch once, twice, ok maybe three times. Yawn a couple of times too for good measure. That's better. Oh, and I also like to block the bedroom doorway as I give an extended stretch so that my mom stumbles into my rear end and nearly catapults herself over me. Heh, heh.

6:55am - Breakfast! Yum, my favorite! (as dog food goes anyway)

7:15am - Mom's out of the shower, so I immediately begin tapdancing outside her door until she opens it and peers out. "You want a bone?" she says in her most irritating baby talk. Why does she think I like that? I stand on my hind legs and nudge the tastiest bone on the bookshelf until she hands it to me. I promptly drop it, loudly, on the wooden floor and take delight in the pained expression on her face.

7:55am - fortunately, she's leaving for the day and I can have my eagerly awaited treat and go back to sleep. It's hard work performing for these humans!

8:00am - 1:30pm - Sleep. Lots of it. Probably snoring. On the bed.

2:00pm - that cursed man in the blue uniform and hat DARES to approach my porch again! I courageously frighten him off with my most intimidating and ferocious howling and baying. Sucker.

2:30pm - The other unwelcome vagrant in the big brown truck with the brown uniform ALSO challenges my authority! I frighten him off almost as quickly as the one before him. Thank goodness that's over. I can go back to sleep.

5:15pm - A special welcome home for mom today! Some careless fool left the garage door open (boy that makes my mom angry) and I was able to just walk out and greet her at her car! Wait. Why is she scowling and saying "sit!" Ok. I hit the deck. We coonhounds are very sensitive. She pulls me by the collar in and tells me "good girl." All I know is I got yet another treat and I didn't even do anything! Maybe I should greet her at her car more often...

5:30pm - A walk! Oh boy! Except she wouldn't let me do "#2" and yanked me out of a yard every time I found the perfect place to leave my gift. Great.

7:45pm - After getting a wee bit more beauty sleep, the humans returned. I smelled something delightful and new. What could it be? You know, I really didn't even care. It smelled of the bakery and I HAD TO HAVE IT. Surprisingly, mom indulged and let me snatch the last bite of this wonderful yummy goodness. She then dubbed me the "cannoli eatin' coonhound" for the rest of the evening. Whatever... as long as she keeps feeding me that.

9:00pm - I like to start my wind down time right about now. This day hasn't been so bad, but all that activity sure wipes me out. I imagine I'll have to work on the squishiness of the comforter for at least a good 15 minutes to get it right. Then maybe wrestle with mom when she comes to bed and inconsiderately pushes me over to the other side. Do I really ask for much?